Interview: Ricardo Lagos Escobar

Twister: Hello everyone, I would like to introduce Ricardo Lagos Escobar, who has just finished his presidential period.

Ricardo: Thanks Twister, it's very nice to meet you.

Twister: Well, I wish I could say that, but the truth is that I think you suck.

Ricardo: Hahaha!

Twister: I mean it.

Ricardo: Oh.

Twister: Man, your government sucked!

Ricardo: No, it didn't! I did many good things for Chile.

Twister: Oh yeah? Name one that didn't involve having expensive and fancy dinners with other presidents around the world.

Ricardo: What can I say, I don't like to work; and when I do, I pretty much suck at it.

Twister: If so, what have you done for a living during all your life?

Ricardo: Easy, I take money from the people who do work, it's call taxes. Man, I made people pay me for living in their own homes!

Twister: Territorial taxes? But they're unconstitutional! The constitution says people must pay taxes over rents, not over patrimony!

Ricardo: The constitution and the laws are not important to me, I can violate them if I want because I control the Justice Courts, and the Legislative Power is powerless. Proof of that are the unpunished violations of me and my party to the law and constitution during decades to get millions in oversalarys to pay brides to the congress, the use of justice to get revenge against the armed forces (my enemies), the creation of unfair and ridiculous taxes to finance my political campaign, and to place my party's candidate in the presidency.

Twister: And what about all the millions spent for the educational reform? I mean, you spent all that money and the education in public schools is getting worst by the year, there are students who are finishing school and barely know how to read. What the hell were you thinking when you aproved this project? And how can you achieve such a high aproval from the people after all of this?

Ricardo: Well, it's pretty obvious that if people got smart, then they wouldn't vote for me or my party, so I spend millions on making them stupid. Also, everyone knows that most of the poor people prefers to vote left, so during my government I got very busy making people poor by creating and raising taxes. I also got a lot of help from the publicists of he communist party, they're experts in brainwashing, so if anything I did went wrong I could always blame it on Pinochet or Lavin. It's pretty much what I have done in all my life, fuck things up and blame it on my adversary, ha ha. As you can see, all this strategies have worked perfectly: I achieved in making people to vote for Michelle, a stupid cumminist terrorist, instead of Sebastian, a very smart candidate who could have got Chile out of the underdevelopment!

Twister: Jesus Christ! You're so doomed to hell!

Ricardo: Doomed to hell? I own hell! I'm the devil,

Aaaagggghhhh!

Twister: The devil! I knew it! Fuck you!

(I punch him in the face and kick his ass all the way out).